Smart-ass Answer #1
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check
tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and
he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat…she
said, “Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.”

Smart-ass Answer #2
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but
couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do
these turkeys get any bigger?” The stock boy replied, “No ma’am,
they’re dead.”

Smart-ass Answer #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding
rolled down his window. “I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the cop
said. The kid replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.” When
the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a

Smart-ass Answer # 4
THE TEACHER Smart-ass Answer OF THE YEAR. A college teacher reminds her
class of tomorrow’s final exam. “Now class, I won’t tolerate any
excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear
attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your
immediate family but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!” A
smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, “What
would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and
utter sexual exhaustion?” The entire class does its best to stifle
their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher
smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly
says, Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.”

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